Seeking the Kingdom

I was just putting my daughter to sleep when the thought came to me, “ I really want to be a good mom…”. I remember praying a lot about this. Then this verse entered my mind:
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matt 6:33 NASB)
‘These things’.
I’ve heard this verse used many times when referring to tactile things…house, job, a mate etc. Don’t get me wrong! It isn’t bad to want material things; it isn’t bad at all to desire a spouse. However, somehow, my mind settled on spiritual things…seeking spiritual things.
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. (Romans 14:17)
I use to be very impulsive growing up. When my dad said ‘A’ I quickly responded with ‘B’. I didn’t realise how bad it was until one day, (a much older Zelinda), a colleague at work said to me, “you’re very impulsive.” I remembered right away NOT wanting to be like that. I tried. But I still was; and next to that was intolerance.
This was totally evident in Cuba where I studied. I was impulsive and intolerant with my classmates, with strangers on the bus (that bus situation use to get on my very last nerve), and most of all, with myself. I just kept making the same mistake and remembered being very miserable about it. I use to beat-up myself about my attitude. I just wanted to overcome those negative attitudinal traits.
I would ask God to wake me up to pray because somehow I knew that a relationship with Him would do it. He would wake me up alright, but I used to be ever so tired and would say, “Sorry God, I’m just too tired, I know you understand.” I would say this on my knees then crawl back into bed. I must say that looking back, God did His part, all the time. I stopped asking Him to wake me up because I knew that He would and I didn’t want to stand Him up over and over again; He is too Holy and so High for that!!
As I laid next to my daughter, I realised that I am changing every day. I still see the impulsivity and intolerance, however, there is a Grace that precedes and I have more time to choose the right attitude.
Growing in Christ is what I seek after. I know that by looking to Him, everyday, changes will be made in me…good changes.
For the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against Such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22,23)
I desire all that Lord…